the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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