a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize