Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
