sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize