i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
