i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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