i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I supernannyed him into submission
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
