How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
