I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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