And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
