i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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