my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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