Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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