...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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