i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
