So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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