you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My life is pants optional.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize