it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm both gender and math confused
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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