if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
