I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
