Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
