the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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