i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
