he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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