Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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