did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
