my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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