GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
