You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
