you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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