i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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