I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
