So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
