I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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