I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
