I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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