Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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