nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this beer tastes like vomit already
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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