i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
