You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
