I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
