Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
