we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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