Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it penis luge time yet?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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