Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
