I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
