I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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