Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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