Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
