I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
