all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
