she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
