a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize