Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
