farters have to be the big spoon...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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