My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
