we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
