FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
