it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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