Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
