yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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