why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize